Thursday, August 23, 2018

"When I grow up, I want to be a kid"

Tom Hanks had the right idea when he played the character in the movie BIG. For those of you who haven't watched that movie, it's about a boy who wishes to become a grown up only to realize that being a grown up is full of awkward situations and general unhappiness. After having spent the last 30 plus years growing up into the adult that I need to be, I would like to be placed in a time machine, and go back, stat. I would like to go back to a more innocent, less complicated time free of the stresses that managing adult relationships involves. Here are a few reasons why I would like to grow up to be a kid.

1. Grown ups are always talking about money: Grown ups are infatuated, obsessed, with always talking about their jobs, their income or how to acquire more money. When your friends grow up, even those you knew from childhood, expect fun conversations about cars, movies, jokes, etc. to be replaced by conversations about money, business at work, investing, expanding, yada-yada-yada. This conversation usually follows the other predictable conversation about the weather, usually followed by a complaint of how hot or cold it will be that given day.

2. Grown ups don't play sports, they only watch their kids: This is a trend that I have been seeing for a while now. Parents put their kids in team sports, but don't actually play with their children. Very few kids are learning how to ride a bicycle. Something that can be taught in as little as a week with the right parenting skills seems to be a hurdle most modern parents, with the short attention span and patience that they have themselves, are not able to master. I see parents just sitting there watching, delegating to a coach or a swim instructor what they could be teaching the kid themselves.

3. Relationships are complicated: Adults hold more grudges and are prone to have more hurt feelings than kids are. Back in the day it was easy. We would say sorry and stay friends, forgetting within a few hours what we were angry about. Adults can hold grudges for years for even the smallest offense.

4. Adults think they are important: When we grow up, we start valuing positions, titles, ranks, promotions, wealth, material things and think that these things are important and that they define our success. Adults also use these things to measure themselves against other adults so that they can prop themselves up if they have more of these things than someone else. Pride and a belief of self-importance are often the false narrative that adults subscribe to.

5.Adults don't share: Very few adults share. While there are many people out there who are generous with their material things, most people are stingy with their time. People are always busy, and whatever free time they have they spend on selfish pursuits such as web surfing on their phone. "Phubbing" is an actual word in the dictionary now. It combines the words "phone" and "snubbing" into one adjective.  While most people don't phub on purpose, this practice usually takes time away from their spouse, their kids and the real life that is happening around them. It's such a time waster that it's the equivalent of when our parents would spend five hours a day on their cable TVs watching the news and other sitcoms.

Here are my top five reasons why I would like to grow up to be a kid. Being an adult is overrated, boring and all of your friends become bitter old curmudgeons later in life. My friends in real life are starting to fall off the map. I relate more to young people than I do with people my own age. I honestly feel like a man-child, but I guess I rather be a man-child than a self loathing adult. Real talk.

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